Read the of My Jokes and Quotes.

My Questions

When surgeon operate on old people, do they listen to hip op music?

When I pilot goes on holiday, does that mean he takes off work?

If someone was caught stealing hay, could you bale them out of jail?

Does helping someone steal a handbag make me an accessory?

If you give someone weed at a trance party, does that make it a transplant?

Why was the fireplace happy? It was stoked.

Some people end their sentences with a preposition, but what for?

My Statements

When we both had the same idea, someone told me “Great minds think alike.” I told them that great minds don’t compare themselves to other great minds.

Making a CD-R is like going to the gym: you get ripped and feel the burn.

Time travel is so last week.

I hate clich├ęs with a passion.

I dropped a bottle of spring water and it bounced. True story.

In hindsight, I wish I’d had eyes on the back of my head.

I play the mouth organ, but I would never harm Monica.

I read astronomers have found alcohol in space. Wanna bet that the first astronauts to be there will be students?

A doctor a day keeps the apple away.

Artists can put paint on a palette, but that doesn’t make it palatable.

If you go to France and talk about kilograms, they won’t understand you because they’ll think you’re speaking in tongues…

When a friend yawns, I say “Yeah, you said it” in agreement.


How to Be So Lame That You’re Actually Cool

First of all, you need to get the right idea of what you want to be, exactly. Napoleon Dynamite is the basic picture. He is the lamest person ever, yet he is extreme cool. Be more like him, and you’ll do fine.

Read the full article on which explains How to Be So Lame That You’re Actually Cool.