Read the of My Jokes and Quotes.
When surgeon operate on old people, do they listen to hip op music?
When I pilot goes on holiday, does that mean he takes off work?
If someone was caught stealing hay, could you bale them out of jail?
Does helping someone steal a handbag make me an accessory?
If you give someone weed at a trance party, does that make it a transplant?
Why was the fireplace happy? It was stoked.
Some people end their sentences with a preposition, but what for?
When we both had the same idea, someone told me “Great minds think alike.” I told them that great minds don’t compare themselves to other great minds.
Making a CD-R is like going to the gym: you get ripped and feel the burn.
Time travel is so last week.
I hate clichés with a passion.
I dropped a bottle of spring water and it bounced. True story.
In hindsight, I wish I’d had eyes on the back of my head.
I play the mouth organ, but I would never harm Monica.
I read astronomers have found alcohol in space. Wanna bet that the first astronauts to be there will be students?
A doctor a day keeps the apple away.
Artists can put paint on a palette, but that doesn’t make it palatable.
If you go to France and talk about kilograms, they won’t understand you because they’ll think you’re speaking in tongues…
When a friend yawns, I say “Yeah, you said it” in agreement.